On the way in to work this morning, the Radio 4 Today programme ran a piece on whether or not Europe would be safer if we let the Americans build a 'missile shield', intended to knock out missiles on their way to melt us all.
Now, to me, the idea of letting the Americans do anything to make us safer is bloody terrifying. Let's just have a look at what's happened since they led us proudly into Iraq, shall we? I defy anyone to look me in the eye and honestly tell me they feel safer since Colonel Bush stood on the deck of that Aircraft carrier and told us 'Mission Accomplished' - except possibly Iraqi bread-thieves, who I suppose at least no longer have to worry about their hands being hacked off.
That aside, my fear was sparked when Mr. All American spokesperson popped on to tell us all about how dangerous the world was (whilst glossing over the fact that this is in no small part the Americans' fault), how Russia's objections to the shield project needed to be overcome, and how important it is that we as Europeans can all sleep soundly in our beds at night, safe in the knowledge that Uncle Sam is keeping a watchful eye on us.
Whilst Mr. All American was telling us this, I was starting to wonder where exactly all these missiles were going to be coming from. Now, I don't buy the 'China's going to nuke everyone' argument, because if China did that, where would they sell cheap motorcycles and knock-off Power Rangers? I can't see Russia's likely to start that whole Cold War thing up again, because it's not like it did anyone any good last time. I suppose we should probably worry about the Germans, because they're long overdue for an attempt at taking over Europe again, a little like Mount Fuji being overdue for an eruption.
Was I right? In the American parlance, 'Hell No'. In fact, we should be wary of missiles launched from other threatening places, like Bunny Land, Lovelitania and Cutelittlekittenia. Oh, and Iran.
What's that, Iran? Well, blow me down. In his desperate quest to name a credible threat to our saftey, Mr. All American chooses... Iran. Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that sound just a tiny bit like a Sabre rattling? That's a bit like a guy in a pub, unprovoked, loudly accusing 'Big Dave 'Crusher' McDeath' of being an imminent threat to his saftey and then wondering why he's on his back in a pile of his own vomit ten seconds later. There's nothing like accusing someone of something to make them want to do it to you even more.
So, when I go to bed tonight, I shall sleep fitfully. Not because of the lack of an American missile shield. Not because of the Iranian threats to my safety. No, I shall toss and turn because the Americans seem to be the ones hell-bent on putting us all in danger.
So, I'm going to take a wild guess that by this time next year, we'll be watching Tomahawks raining down on Tehran, while a helmeted idiot of a world leader tells us all we're much safer now. Mission Accomplished.
Time for my medication. Bye for now.
Thursday 19 April 2007
Tuesday 17 April 2007
So, what's bugging me today?
Earlier on today, I went to Sunderland Civic Centre to sign some kind of forms for the Registrar of marriages. This is, obviously, because I'm getting married next year. For anyone reading this who knows me, they will also know that this is a big step for me. Not big as in deciding what car to buy big, but big as in Neil Armstrong walking on the Moon big.
None of this is relevant to what's bugging me. On the contrary, I'm actually quite happy about the whole marriage thing, oddly enough. No, what's really got to me today was what I saw on the way home.
Some people may be aware that there's some kind of elections going on soon. No, I don't know what for either, I only know they're happening because I got a form through the post - but as usual I shall submit my postal vote for the party or candidate that takes my fancy on the day.
I can, however, categorically state that no one remotely connected with Saint Tony Blair or the Labour Party of Perfect Britain will be the recipient of my hard earned vote. This is mainly because I consider Saint Tone to be a bit of an arrogant, ill-informed, pretentious, self-righteous, warmongering pillock, but also due to the fact that everyone associated with him I also consider to be arrogant, ill-informed, pretentious, self-righteous, warmongering pillocks.
Anyway, on the way home, I drove past a house with a large, proud billboard displayed outside proclaiming 'We Vote Labour'.
Great. Brilliant. I'm pleased for you, all of you, living in that house. What I can't quite get my head around, however, is just what would motivate someone to so publicly proclaim their undying devotion to a political party which has, over a period of ten years in government, so completely shafted our previously great nation.
I just don't get it. Surely no one can still be so blinkered as to believe any of the innumerable lies the British government tell us every day. This year the edited highlights include a budget which yet again disadvantages the hard working single, childless middle income earner whilst pandering to the dole-claiming, baby-machine underclass taking over our country and a propaganda victory for the Iranians - amongst other things.
I can only surmise that those who so proudly boast of their Labour votes are those who have always, and will always, vote Labour because their Dad, and Grandad before him voted Labour. Now, this is NOT a good reason for casting a vote in a certain direction. Far from it. What happened to freedom of opinion? Maybe some people just don't HAVE an opinion - and if they don't, WHY BOTHER VOTING? Let those of us who are intelligent enough to make our minds up vote for the candidates and parties we want, and let the sheep follow, as is their wont.
On a brighter note, yesterday morning I heard a Conservative party member proclaim on the BBC Radio 4 Today programme that the Conservatives will 'say no to a national road charging scheme'. Earlier on in 2007 nearly 1.7 million Britons signed an 'e-petition' declaring their opposition to Labour's 'Big Brother' vehicle tracking and charging plans.
Well, that's 1.7 million guaranteed Conservative votes next General Election then. Should be enough to oust the Labour government, with any luck. No one voted for Gordon Brown, did they?
If I'm the last one out, I promise I WILL turn out the lights. Click.
None of this is relevant to what's bugging me. On the contrary, I'm actually quite happy about the whole marriage thing, oddly enough. No, what's really got to me today was what I saw on the way home.
Some people may be aware that there's some kind of elections going on soon. No, I don't know what for either, I only know they're happening because I got a form through the post - but as usual I shall submit my postal vote for the party or candidate that takes my fancy on the day.
I can, however, categorically state that no one remotely connected with Saint Tony Blair or the Labour Party of Perfect Britain will be the recipient of my hard earned vote. This is mainly because I consider Saint Tone to be a bit of an arrogant, ill-informed, pretentious, self-righteous, warmongering pillock, but also due to the fact that everyone associated with him I also consider to be arrogant, ill-informed, pretentious, self-righteous, warmongering pillocks.
Anyway, on the way home, I drove past a house with a large, proud billboard displayed outside proclaiming 'We Vote Labour'.
Great. Brilliant. I'm pleased for you, all of you, living in that house. What I can't quite get my head around, however, is just what would motivate someone to so publicly proclaim their undying devotion to a political party which has, over a period of ten years in government, so completely shafted our previously great nation.
I just don't get it. Surely no one can still be so blinkered as to believe any of the innumerable lies the British government tell us every day. This year the edited highlights include a budget which yet again disadvantages the hard working single, childless middle income earner whilst pandering to the dole-claiming, baby-machine underclass taking over our country and a propaganda victory for the Iranians - amongst other things.
I can only surmise that those who so proudly boast of their Labour votes are those who have always, and will always, vote Labour because their Dad, and Grandad before him voted Labour. Now, this is NOT a good reason for casting a vote in a certain direction. Far from it. What happened to freedom of opinion? Maybe some people just don't HAVE an opinion - and if they don't, WHY BOTHER VOTING? Let those of us who are intelligent enough to make our minds up vote for the candidates and parties we want, and let the sheep follow, as is their wont.
On a brighter note, yesterday morning I heard a Conservative party member proclaim on the BBC Radio 4 Today programme that the Conservatives will 'say no to a national road charging scheme'. Earlier on in 2007 nearly 1.7 million Britons signed an 'e-petition' declaring their opposition to Labour's 'Big Brother' vehicle tracking and charging plans.
Well, that's 1.7 million guaranteed Conservative votes next General Election then. Should be enough to oust the Labour government, with any luck. No one voted for Gordon Brown, did they?
If I'm the last one out, I promise I WILL turn out the lights. Click.
Wednesday 11 April 2007
Today's mini-rants
Well, it's been too long since I added anything to this catalogue of pain, so I thought I'd get wound up about some things today.
Actually, that's not quite true. It was suggested last night during a conversation with one of my friends that maybe I could include some mini-rants about things which didn't quite tip me into insane rage, but which rather left me mildly irritable. So today, I thought it would be a jolly good wheeze to make notes during the working day of all the things that annoyed me, and when. I have also assigned each upsetting experience with an 'irritant level' between 1 and 5 (5 being full blown rage). So here we go:
08:10 - I went to the dishwasher in the office to put in my mugs. Typically, it was full of (for once) clean mugs and cutlery. What's irritating about that? The cutlery was all in the tray HANDLE UP! Now, call me a stickler, but if the handle's uppermost as the cutlery dries watermarks end up left all over the action-end of the item. I DO NOT want to stir my coffee with a watermarked spoon. So I turned all the cutlery over and put the dishwasher back on. Irritant level 4.
09:02 - An icon mysteriously has 'disappeared' from a user's desktop. I suspect it was probably deleted, and I'm sure the user knows that this is probably the most likely explanation. So why don't they just say 'I think I've deleted my icon' instead of 'The icon has vanished overnight'. Icon's don't just get bored and decide to pack up and leave. It DOESN'T HAPPEN. Irritant level 3.
09:30 - I have a standing order in place for the users I have to deal with. Before reporting any issues with any IT or Telecommunications hardware or software, it must be restarted from a full power-down. By 09:30 this morning I had dealt with three separate 'issues' each of which was resolved with a simple restart. People regularly comment on how 'you always tell us to restart'. Yes, I do. Because it WORKS. So why in the name of Christ can't they just bloody well restart the damn thing before they panic and come running to me? Irritant level 3.
09:30-10:00 - More unrestarted equipment breaks down and is fixed with a restart. Getting pretty fed up with it now. Irritant level 4.
10:46 - I find my three mugs have been removed from the now silent dishwasher (replete with a selection of shiny, handle down cutlery) and left haphazardly scattered around the kitchen. Everyone else's mugs are either on their desks, or in the cupboard. So why are mine just lying around. Irritant level 2.
12:00 - Lunchtime. During which I am interrupted seven times for various things, including a phone which is making an odd dialtone noise. The phone is still working perfectly in every way. I have to ask, was that worth interrupting my lunch for? I even have people who come in and say 'Oh, are you having your lunch?', to which I respond 'Yes, I am'. They then proceed to continue with the details of whatever it was they wanted to interrupt me for, but at least now they KNOW they're interrupting my lunch, because they asked. Irritant level 3.
13:00 - Other People's lunchtime. Why is it that interrupting anyone else's lunch is perceived to be the ultimate crime? I still have to perform at 100% capacity, even whilst eating, so why does everyone else switch off for an hour and get away with it? I tell you, the only time I get any peace is in the toilet. Irritant level 4.
14:50 - Summertime. How can anyone work in an office with the HVAC system turned up to 23 degrees Centigrade? The temperature in my office must have been in the late 20s this afternoon, thanks to the useless air conditioning system, with the result that I started to get quite nauseated, and eventually threw up for no apparent reason. And there are still people wearing jumpers. God almighty, it's like a bloody sauna in here, with the exception that we're missing some sweaty old fat men 'slimming' the easy way, and a couple of rather too well groomed chiselled young men, who are most probably very, very kind to their mothers, and have some very close male friends. VERY close. Irritant level 5 (because of the actual sickness).
15:45 - Printers. Need I say more? Irritant level 4.
17:15 - BMW drivers. 330Ci Coupe, 735i, and a 645Ci today, all with suited and booted drivers chatting merrily away on their hand held mobiles. Irritant level 5.
19:00 - The coal man's computer. The guy two doors up asked me a couple of weeks ago to have a look at his PC, which was allegedly virus infested. Now, I have never come across a cleaner home computer. AdAware, Norton AV, Norton Anti-Spyware, and manual checks revealed no sign of anything nasty or naughty on the machine. So where's the problem? In the Google search box, a festering population of searches including 'www. gay boys haveing sex with each other.com' (complete with spaces and 'e' in having). This search box, when cleared, mysteriously filled itself up again with the same rubbish. Now, in my mind, that's likely to mean that someone is TYPING IT IN. I'd disabled all the 'let Google Toolbar help me find porn' functionality I could find, yet still this stuff was appearing. So today I went around once again at his behest to see whether I could fix it again. I found nothing wrong. Nothing at all, so I disabled AutoComplete on web forms and left. Irritant level 4.
Now, that's about all I can really be bothered with for now. I'm going to have a drink, and then watch some television.
Goodnight fans.
Angry Dan
Actually, that's not quite true. It was suggested last night during a conversation with one of my friends that maybe I could include some mini-rants about things which didn't quite tip me into insane rage, but which rather left me mildly irritable. So today, I thought it would be a jolly good wheeze to make notes during the working day of all the things that annoyed me, and when. I have also assigned each upsetting experience with an 'irritant level' between 1 and 5 (5 being full blown rage). So here we go:
08:10 - I went to the dishwasher in the office to put in my mugs. Typically, it was full of (for once) clean mugs and cutlery. What's irritating about that? The cutlery was all in the tray HANDLE UP! Now, call me a stickler, but if the handle's uppermost as the cutlery dries watermarks end up left all over the action-end of the item. I DO NOT want to stir my coffee with a watermarked spoon. So I turned all the cutlery over and put the dishwasher back on. Irritant level 4.
09:02 - An icon mysteriously has 'disappeared' from a user's desktop. I suspect it was probably deleted, and I'm sure the user knows that this is probably the most likely explanation. So why don't they just say 'I think I've deleted my icon' instead of 'The icon has vanished overnight'. Icon's don't just get bored and decide to pack up and leave. It DOESN'T HAPPEN. Irritant level 3.
09:30 - I have a standing order in place for the users I have to deal with. Before reporting any issues with any IT or Telecommunications hardware or software, it must be restarted from a full power-down. By 09:30 this morning I had dealt with three separate 'issues' each of which was resolved with a simple restart. People regularly comment on how 'you always tell us to restart'. Yes, I do. Because it WORKS. So why in the name of Christ can't they just bloody well restart the damn thing before they panic and come running to me? Irritant level 3.
09:30-10:00 - More unrestarted equipment breaks down and is fixed with a restart. Getting pretty fed up with it now. Irritant level 4.
10:46 - I find my three mugs have been removed from the now silent dishwasher (replete with a selection of shiny, handle down cutlery) and left haphazardly scattered around the kitchen. Everyone else's mugs are either on their desks, or in the cupboard. So why are mine just lying around. Irritant level 2.
12:00 - Lunchtime. During which I am interrupted seven times for various things, including a phone which is making an odd dialtone noise. The phone is still working perfectly in every way. I have to ask, was that worth interrupting my lunch for? I even have people who come in and say 'Oh, are you having your lunch?', to which I respond 'Yes, I am'. They then proceed to continue with the details of whatever it was they wanted to interrupt me for, but at least now they KNOW they're interrupting my lunch, because they asked. Irritant level 3.
13:00 - Other People's lunchtime. Why is it that interrupting anyone else's lunch is perceived to be the ultimate crime? I still have to perform at 100% capacity, even whilst eating, so why does everyone else switch off for an hour and get away with it? I tell you, the only time I get any peace is in the toilet. Irritant level 4.
14:50 - Summertime. How can anyone work in an office with the HVAC system turned up to 23 degrees Centigrade? The temperature in my office must have been in the late 20s this afternoon, thanks to the useless air conditioning system, with the result that I started to get quite nauseated, and eventually threw up for no apparent reason. And there are still people wearing jumpers. God almighty, it's like a bloody sauna in here, with the exception that we're missing some sweaty old fat men 'slimming' the easy way, and a couple of rather too well groomed chiselled young men, who are most probably very, very kind to their mothers, and have some very close male friends. VERY close. Irritant level 5 (because of the actual sickness).
15:45 - Printers. Need I say more? Irritant level 4.
17:15 - BMW drivers. 330Ci Coupe, 735i, and a 645Ci today, all with suited and booted drivers chatting merrily away on their hand held mobiles. Irritant level 5.
19:00 - The coal man's computer. The guy two doors up asked me a couple of weeks ago to have a look at his PC, which was allegedly virus infested. Now, I have never come across a cleaner home computer. AdAware, Norton AV, Norton Anti-Spyware, and manual checks revealed no sign of anything nasty or naughty on the machine. So where's the problem? In the Google search box, a festering population of searches including 'www. gay boys haveing sex with each other.com' (complete with spaces and 'e' in having). This search box, when cleared, mysteriously filled itself up again with the same rubbish. Now, in my mind, that's likely to mean that someone is TYPING IT IN. I'd disabled all the 'let Google Toolbar help me find porn' functionality I could find, yet still this stuff was appearing. So today I went around once again at his behest to see whether I could fix it again. I found nothing wrong. Nothing at all, so I disabled AutoComplete on web forms and left. Irritant level 4.
Now, that's about all I can really be bothered with for now. I'm going to have a drink, and then watch some television.
Goodnight fans.
Angry Dan
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